


Secrets and Lies

by australiancarisi



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Domestic Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:27:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21702208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/australiancarisi/pseuds/australiancarisi
Summary: You are the newest detective at SVU, things are great until things from your past come back to haunt you.Look at me starting a new story when I have a million stories to be written... oh well.Also, I know my stories are very dialogue-heavy, I'm working on it
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Reader, Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./You
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Playing House](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20052688) by [CalicoJack11](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CalicoJack11/pseuds/CalicoJack11). 



_You took a deep breath as you looked up at the building in front of you. The 16 th precinct in New York City, the home of SVU, your new home. With one last big breath, you walked in. The precinct was relatively busy with unis coming in for change of shift and a few perps in handcuffs. A Sargent sent you to the elevators towards the back of the precinct._

_“Can I help you?” A blonde lady looked up from her desk._

_“I’m looking for Captain Olivia Benson” you say, holding your hand out “I’m detective y/n Diaz, LAPD”_

_“I’ll get her for you” she shook your hand before walking into an office._

_“Y/n nice to you” Olivia said shaking your hand “we’re really looking forward to having you”_

_“I’m really looking forward to working here, heard good things about SVU” she quickly gave you a tour of the precinct and showed you to your desk. You were setting up your computer when two people walked in._

_“Hey who’s sitting at Carisi’s desk?” the man asked_

_“Carisi?” you asked Amanda_

_“Former detective now our ADA” Amanda filled you in._

_“Y/n this is Detective Kat Tamin and Sargent Tutuola, guys this is detective y/n Diaz, she’s transferring from LAPD Major Crimes unit”_

_“Call me Fin” he said shaking your hand before you shook Kat’s hand. “Liv, you didn’t mention that were getting a transfer”_

_“It was very fast, Chief Dodds told me about it a couple of days ago”_

_“What brings you to New York?” Kat asked_

_“Wanted a change” you shrugged “my captain thought New York would be a good fit”_

_“Well, I’m glad to have you we need more help around here” Fin nodded as everyone go on with their work._

_A few hours later, you were standing behind the one-way glass of interrogation 1 as Fin and Kat worked over a perp._

_“What have we got?” A man with a heavy accent asked as he walked into the room. Staten island you were pretty sure. You looked him up and down. He was tall and lanky, carrying a briefcase._

_**Must be a lawyer** , you thought to yourself. He had also been carrying his phone as he walked in but had slipped it into his suit pocket._

_“Jack Davis, 24, he’s the Vic’s ex-boyfriend they broke up a week ago. We’ve got footage of him following her out of the club and through the park and then 20 minutes later he’s walking out and she’s found dead in the morning” Amanda said_

_“And you are?” He looked at you_

_“Detective y/n Diaz, just transferred from LA Major Crimes” you said_

_“she’s your replacement” Amanda smirked at him_

_“So, you’re Carisi?” you asked_

_“ADA Dominick Carisi Jnr” Amanda introduced him_

_“Call me Sonny” he said as Amanda mouthed along with him. Sonny pushed her lightly with his elbow “I thought Kat was my replacement”_

_“Well y/n got your desk, Kat can be Dodds’ replacement about time we got more detectives” Amanda grumbled before you all turned your attention back to the job at hand._

* * *

You groaned as you sat down at your desk. You were tired, exhausted really. You had barely slept last night after deciding just to stay in the cribs last night after realising it was 2am, you had finally made a break in a high-profile case. A ‘highly respected’ senator had been accused of rape of a 15-year-old schoolgirl and after you finally convinced Sonny to get a warrant to look through his computer you had found child pornography of not only the girl that came forward but a three of her classmates that you guys had interviewed and a number of unknown girls.

“Do you ever leave?” Liv asked as she walked into the prescient with Kat and Fin.

“Not last night” You shrugged, and Liv gave you the look.

‘The Signature Liv Look’ Fin called it. Also known as her mum look. From the moment you started at SVU, it didn’t take long for you to learn that Liv was fiercely protective of her squad.

Mama Bear.

“y/n” the tone was one of warning “you’ve been working too much lately; you need to get more than three hours sleep and when was the last time you had a home-cooked meal?”

“When was the last time I ate with Sonny?” you grinned at her

“Last Wednesday” Sonny called. He walked in with Amanda “After court, we went back to yours”

“Last Wednesday” you said to Liv

“y/n- “

“I promise I’ll take care of myself, but this is a big case” you pointed out

“They are all big cases” Liv said “Carisi what are you doing here?”

“Well” he held up a box from the bakery around the corner from his apartment “Happy 9-month SVU anniversary Detective Diaz”

“Oooo” you made grabby hands at the bag

“You promised me something?” Sonny asked

“Uh fine” you rolled your eyes before getting on your laptop to pull up the photos “found these last night”

“Does this mean we don’t have to plead him out?” Kat said

“So long as we can get these girls to talk at least Dianna and her classmates we’ll have this in the bag” Sonny nodded

“Fin Amanda go talk to the girls” Liv said

“So, did I do good?” you grinned at Sonny. All he did was hand you the box “Cannoli! My favourite”

“Happy 9-month SVU anniversary” Sonny winked

“Do you always give people cannoli on their 9-month work anniversary?” Fin raised his eyebrows

“Where was mine?” Kat smirked

“Or does it have to do with the fact Detective Diaz’s 9-month anniversary for SVU also happens to be your 6-month relationship anniversary?” Liv joined in on the teasing and your face turned pink. You never intended to get in a relationship with Sonny, it just happened. You and Sonny worked well together even though you bickered. You managed to hold yourself out for a while but after a particularly hard case you and Sonny went out for drinks and the night ended with you in Sonny’s bed. After 3 months at SVU, you and Sonny started dating. It was the worst kept secret.

“How do you even remember that?” Sonny asked   
“He’s had to remind me for the past week”   
“You finally disclosed on your 6-month anniversary, that was 3 months ago” Liv said

“How does she remember that?” You mumbled around the cannoli you had just shoved in your mouth.

“Charming” Fin shook his head

“Alright come on let’s put his pig behind bars” Liv changing into boss mode. Sonny leaned down and kissed your lips.

“We still on for tonight?” He asked

“Depends on how-“

“Yes, you are. She is not staying here any later than half-past five” Liv called over her shoulder making you roll your eyes.

“I’ll see you then” you pecked his cheek and pushed him towards the door “Thanks for the cannoli!”

You sat at your desk and savoured your cannoli while Liv went over all the details that you had collected overnight and shared them with the rest of the squad. While Liv was talking you took a moment to realise how much your life had changed in the nine months you had been at SVU. Besides the fact that you had a great job and amazing boyfriend who treated you like the princess deep down you wanted to be, you were also a part of an incredible squad who had quickly become like a second family to you, especially Amanda, having her as your partner was great. Overall you were just so much happier now than you ever thought you could have been nine months ago.

“We’ve got him” Kat smirked

“Let’s not get too confident” Liv sighed as a uni walked up to you handing you a letter that had been dropped off “we never know what could happen when it goes to trial” you slowly opened the letter. As you opened it all the colour in the world instantly drained away and you thought you were going to fall apart

_we’ll be together again soon baby girl_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone had a good Christmas!
> 
> It's a bit shorter then a normal chapter I'd write but I love this story and will have the next chapter ready in a couple of days!

_we’ll be together again soon babygirl_

You stared at the note. You could feel your heart racing. You flipped the paper. No address, no stamp, nothing, just like the others you had received over the past few weeks. You knew who it was from though, how could you not? You just knew…

“Y/n you good?” Fin called to you pulling you out of the trance that you hadn’t realised you were in.

“huh?”

“You good?” he repeated turning his full attention to you. He was worried about you.

“Oh yeah, all good” you smiled and quickly shoved the note in the bottom drawer where the others were, out of sight out of mind. Fin watched you a second longer, not really convinced but dropped it, thankfully.

* * *

Sticking to her word, Liv basically pulled you out of the building when she was leaving. You said goodbye to Liv and headed to Sonny. You met him at your usual spot, it was the place you went to for first date and since then had been the go-to spot.

“You’re actually on time! Are you feeling okay?” Sonny smirked as you sat down across from him.

“What are you talking about? I’m at least 15 minutes late” you frowned in confusion.

“Yeah I told you the wrong time in hopes that you would get here on time” Sonny said making you laugh

“I can’t even be mad” you giggled. Date nights with Sonny were the best. Sonny has always been able to just get you to turn off your brain to the worries and anxieties of your life. to the worries and anxieties of your life. You were worried about dating someone you worked with. You were scared that spending all your time together both at work and at home would ruin your relationship, you were also scared that you would feel suffocated, but Sonny never made you feel like that. He always gave you enough space that you felt independent but still secure and know that he was there no matter what.

The pair of you enjoyed your meal together before deciding to walk to your apartment rather than getting a taxi. You wrapped your arms around Sonny’s as you walked.

“Doll?” Sonny stopped walking pulling you out of the trance that you hadn’t realised you had fallen into.

“Sorry” you mumbled. Sonny frowned, he was worried about you, he always wore his emotions on his face.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah… kinda….” You were so close to telling Sonny about the notes. You should, he’s your boyfriend…. He’d want to know….

“Is it the case? We’ll get him Doll” Sonny reassured you. You smiled up at him as you wrapped your arms around him. You couldn’t tell him. He’d just stress himself out about it and he didn’t need that. He’s so busy with work, he really didn’t need to worry about you. He had so much more to worry about, you could take care of yourself.

“I love you” you mumbled into his chest. Sonny smiled and wrapped you up in his long arms, placing a light kiss in your hair.

“Back at ya detective…come on, let’s get you home”

The moment you got in the door of your apartment you went straight to your bedroom, Sonny in tow. He made sure to lock the door behind him and double-checked the windows. He always checked. He always had to make sure you were safe. You can take the boy out of the police force, but you can’t take the police out of the boy. The two of you worked in perfect sync to get ready for bed. 

“That shirt always did look better on you” Sonny smirked from the bed as you slipped his old Fordham Law shirt on.

“Always did wanna be a lawyer, guess dating one is just as good”

“Even a night school lawyer?” that was something you learned quickly about Sonny, he never felt like he deserved what he had in his life.

“You mean a lawyer who is a New York ADA that went to night school while working full time as an NYPD detective and passed the bar on his first go? Yeah even a night school lawyer”

“I love you doll, more than anything, you know that right?” Sonny asked. You turned the lights off and crawled into bed, tangling your legs with his and resting your head on his chest.   
“I love you too”

“So, you’d tell me if something was wrong?”

“Of course, I would” you pecked his chest “Night Sonny”

* * *

Over the next few weeks, you were sent more notes. Every couple of days you got a new note. Every note was the exact same. Just a plain note with nothing but _‘we’ll be together again soon baby girl’_. No stamp, no address, you even sneakily checked for fingerprints and DNA but there was nothing. You tried to ignore them as best you could, but it was always in the back of your mind. For the most part, you were okay because all the notes came to the station until one showed up at your apartment last week…


	3. Chapter 3

Sonny and the rest of the squad, especially Liv had picked up that something was up with you. Everyone was sitting around the squad room going over the latest case. You were trying to focus on what everyone was saying but it wasn’t really working for you, your mind just couldn’t focus.

“We have three victims. Victim 1, Stephanie Ramirez attacked 2 months ago late one night after leaving work at a supermarket” Kat started putting the first photo on the whiteboard.

“Victim 2, Brianna Hernández attacked 3 weeks ago while running through central park at 5 in the morning” Amanda said as Kat put the second victims’ photo on the board as well as the third.

“And Victim 3, Georgia Garcia attacked 2 nights ago leaving Hell’s Kitchen” Fin finished “All were physically assaulted, no sexual assault. No DNA from any attack”

“Do we have anything to connect them?” Liv asked her eyes darting to you for a second.

“Not really… All three were attacked from behind, no weapons used, and they were all left in clear view of the public”

“And they are all Latina…” Fin pointed out giving you and Kat a look each.

“Alright Kat and Fin see if you can get anything more out of our latest victim, Amanda go back to over CSU’s report, see if we missed anything, y/n my office”

“She’s in trouble” Fin sang with a smirk as he and Kate headed out. Amanda gave you a reassuring look. You took a deep breath as you pushed yourself up out of your chair and followed Liv into her office.

“Everything okay Captain?” you asked

“You tell me” she said, she sat at her desk. Wow did this take you back to your teenage years with your mother... She motioned to the chair across from her to get you to sit down. “What’s going on?”

“What do you mean?”

“What do I mean? You’re not paying attention, you’re miles away, you’ve been falling asleep at your desk for the past few days… what is going on?”

“Liv I’m fine, I promise” you told her. You couldn’t tell her what was going on, you were fine, you were managing it all on your own.

“You can talk to me y/n, I’m worried about you, Sonny’s worried about you, we’re all worried-“

“Sonny put you up to this?” you cut her off

“Don’t be mad. We were talking about the case and he made a comment and I had to agree with him, you’ve been acting differently. If the cases are getting to you, you can take some time”

“I don’t need time off-“you were cut off by your phone ringing. You quickly fished your phone out of pocket, rolling your eyes when you saw the name

“Important?”

“Not at all… Liv please I promise I am fine, now if that’s all…” Liv sighed and nodded

“Close the door on the way out”

You sat back down at your desk and sighed. This wasn’t how this was supposed to go. Moving to New York was supposed to fix everything. A fresh start and now that past was coming back to bite you. Groaning, you rubbed your face. Why couldn’t anything in your life be easy? Simple? It was then you noticed the envelope on your desk. At first, you got scared whenever you saw one, now you were just numb to it. Your phone rang again as you opened it.

Your breath hitched.

This one was different.

_No matter where you go, I am there, always_

_We’ll be together again soon, babygirl_

And this time there were pictures.

About a dozen photos fell out of the envelope. There was a couple of you with the squad at the courthouse, at some crime scenes. There was some of you with Sonny mostly out on dates but the one that had your attention was one of you in your apartment. You’re not too sure why it worried you the most, he obviously knew where you lived, you’d gotten notes delivered to your apartment. Maybe it was the fact that you’d been watched that scared you, the fact that he could have seen something he shouldn’t.

“Diaz! I think I have-” Amanda called to get your attention “y/n…are you okay?”

“Yeah, yeah” you smiled quickly shoving the new note and pictures into the drawer. “What have you got?”

* * *

You and Amanda ended up heading out to the three crime scenes to try and find some more information.

You loved being partnered with Amanda now. The keyword is now. At first she was very standoff-ish and then just when you thought you were making progress, you and Sonny started dating and you were back to where you started along with getting the ‘you hurt him I hurt you’ best friend speech.

Central Park gave you nothing, as did Hell’s kitchen. The two of you headed to the supermarket the first victim works.

“We have to be missing something” Amanda sighed

“There’s nothing connecting the attacks maybe we should be looking for different perps” you said taking in the environment.

“Besides the fact that all three are Hispanic, he has a type” Amanda said

“There are over two thousand Latin people living in New York, how many white girls get attacked and we don’t automatically assume they were all attacked by the same person” your phone rang again

“Can you just answer it and tell Carisi to stop being so clingy” Amanda said

“It’s not Sonny, you know we text all day it's cuter” you smirked, Amanda hated when you and Sonny were all lovey dovey. She made a gagging noise making you laugh. You ignored the call.

“Who’s been calling you all day then?”

“No one important…. hey, the dry cleaners is open” you pointed to the shop a few doors down “it was closed two months ago, we couldn’t get a hold of the owners”

“The security camera out the front, let’s see if we can get something”

Thankfully, the owners were very helpful and emailed the security footage from the night of the track over to the precinct.

“Guys we might have a break!” you called walking into the precinct. Fin, Kat and Sonny were standing with a guy, you couldn’t see his face. “Who’s this-“he turned around

“Nick!” Amanda exclaimed

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> look who's back from LA!


	4. Chapter 4

“Nick!” Amanda exclaimed running through the squad room and wrapping her arms around him. She was so excited to see him “What are you doing here?”

“Had some business to attend to” Nick said hugging her back while looking at you. His eyes never left. You stood away from the group. Everyone was so happy to see him.

Any other time you would be too.

He must know something was up. He wouldn’t fly across the country if he didn’t know. The way he looked at you, it was anger mixed with disappointment, you’d see it many times.   
“It’s good to see you man” Fin smiled “About time you showed your face around here”   
“Quite a bit has changed, Liv’s captain, Sonny’s moved to the DA office” Amanda said

“Squad room even got a makeover, where was this when I was here” Nick joke and everyone laughed along with him.

“You shouldn’t be here Nick” You stated, cutting off everyone’s laughing. If you wanted to cause some tension, it wasn’t hard.

“Doll?” Sonny frowned; Nick stood straighter. He faced you full-on, ignoring the rest of the squad. Sonny slowly moved closer to you; he was trying to figure out what the hell was going on as was everyone else.

“Shouldn’t I? You’ve been dodging my calls for a month” Nick said  
“Wait, he was on the one calling you all day?” Amanda frowned

“I don’t need you looking after me anymore” you said ignoring Amanda’s question. Everything was going to come out and you knew that it was going to hit the fan. “Just go back to LA”

“Okay, can someone explain what’s going on. How do you two know each other?” Fin asked, before either you could answer him, Liv’s office door opened, and she walked out with another person.

“Are you kidding me right now?” you were furious

“Murphy?” Sonny looked confused as did Fin, Kat and Amanda “What is going on?”

“You want to explain y/n?” Liv asked mama bear side was coming out. She wasn’t happy with you; it was written all over her face.

“You told her?” you glared at Murphy before looking to Nick “Or was it you?! You had no right! Neither of you should be here!” Sonny put his hand on your shoulder to try and calm you down, but you shrugged him off. No one said anything, “This is Declan Murphy my former captain back in LA and this is Nick Amaro he was my partner straight out of the academy and then became my sergeant when I made detective”

“You guys were partners?” Sonny asked gently, he was clearly trying to calm you down. This was the squad’s, especially Liv’s go-to move. When you were getting worked up over a case, Liv sends you over to the DA office to fill Sonny in or get files and warrants. Liv forewarns Sonny about your mood and after a few minutes, he’s calmed you down.

“Yep” you popped the ‘p’ “He basically taught me everything I know about being a police officer. When I became a detective, he became a sergeant and Murphy he was brought in to be captain… was only supposed to be for a couple of months… He’s the reason I’m here”

“Murphy sent you to New York? I thought you wanted to move” Amanda asked

“… I did, I wanted the change of pace, he put in a good word for me”

“Don’t lie” Nick said, he was getting aggravated “tell them the truth, the whole truth, Murphy sent you here”

“Hey” Sonny warned Nick, standing in front of you “calm down” you put your hand of Sonny’s arm pulling him back next to you.

“It’s fine Sonny” you whispered

“No, it’s not fine, we went you here to keep you safe”

“Safe from what?” Fin asked

“Well guess what Nick” you completely ignored Fin “It’s not your job to keep me safe! It’s not yours and it’s not Murphy’s!”

“No but it is mine” a voice said walking to the precinct. Everyone turned to the familiar voice.

“Rafael…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the gang is back together again  
> feedback is welcomed would love to hear your guys thoughts :)  
> also posted on my tumblr @australiancarisi, come say hey 
> 
> I know this chapter is a bit shorter but the next one things really get started


	5. Chapter 5

“Ra-Rafael... what are you doing here?” Liv stuttered. The squad hadn’t seen him since his trial, he looked the same besides the small beard he had grown. Silence fell over the precinct as you stared at him.

“Why... how...” you turned to Nick “you called him too?” You didn’t yell, you didn’t even look mad, you were just over it.

“You weren’t returning my calls, I was afraid you were hurt. I figured he’d know” Nick sighed “y/n-“

“- I can’t do this” you shook your head and quickly walked out of the squad room. You just had to get out of there, you couldn’t deal with them all staring at you.

“I’ll go” Rafael and Nick both said at the same time.

“No, I will. I think the two of you have done enough... whatever you’ve done” Sonny held his hands up stopping anyone from following you before slowly going after you. 

“Right now I’m really confused” Fin spoke breaking the silence. 

“You think your confused” Kat mumbled

“Can someone please explain?” Amanda asked looking between Nick and Rafael. “How the hell are you involved in all this?

“Y/n is my little sister” Rafael sighed

“Since when? I thought you were an only child?” Fin asked

“Since my mother birthed her” Rafael snapped before taking a breath to calm down. “She moved to LA when she was 19 and joined the academy”

“She’s a Diaz though” Amanda said

“She was born a Barba, she legally changed her name to our abuela’s when she was 15. When she found out the type of man our father was... She wanted me to change mine too but I told her it was stupid, it’s just a name. She didn’t see it that way” Rafael looked at Nick “thank you for calling”

“I don’t care what she says, I will always keep her safe, it’s my job” Nick nodded

“You do it better than me” he mumbled

“Why isn’t she safe?” Kat asked, asking the question that was on Amanda and Fin’s minds as well.

“She didn’t move to New York by choice, I sent her” Declan said making his presence known “needed to get her out of LA, send her home to New York and I saw there was an opening here at SVU, I knew she’d be safe here” Declan said

“You still haven’t answered the question, why isn’t she safe?” Amanda demanded. 

“She moved to LA with her boyfriend Tate...” Rafael began

* * *

You paced around the crib trying to calm down. You felt your anxiety levels rise more and more as you paced around the beds. You wanted to scream, but screaming in a police station is not the best idea. You scrunched your eyes as you heard the door open.

“Go away Rafael”

“It’s not Rafael” Sonny said quietly coming into the room and shutting the door. You turned to him. “Y/n what is going on? Why haven’t you said any-“ Sonny stopped as you ran to him and wrapped your arms around his chest. You held onto him tight “hey, hey doll it’s okay, don’t cry” you hadn’t even realised you were crying.

“I’m sorry”

“What are you sorry for?” Sonny said Into your hair

“For causing drama, for not telling you about Murphy or Nick... or Rafael” you sighed collecting yourself “for not telling you a lot of things”

“Its fine Doll, you’ll tell me when your ready”

“I don’t deserve you. I know everything about you. I know about your ex-girlfriends and about you jumping around as a detective and going to law school. I’ve met your parents, your sisters, nieces and nephews, your grandparents and your cousins and you haven’t even met my mum or knew that I had a brother let alone him being your old ADA-“

“None of that matters. You know what I know?” Sonny asked

“What?”

“I know that I love you. I know that you can’t sleep with pants on but have to have a blanket. I know that you would eat ice cream and pancakes for breakfast, lunch and dinner if it was socially acceptable. I know that you care so much about our victims and will go above and beyond to give them the justice they deserve. I know that you could sleep for 12 hours and still be tired” Sonny put his fingers under your chin and lifted it to make to look up at him. You looked into his baby blues. You could see in his eyes that he meant everything that he was saying “And most importantly I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I want to wake up and go to bed with you as long as you’ll have me. I want to be the person you come to when you need someone. I want you on your best days and on your worst, I know enough”

“Even when I’m being annoying?” you whispered 

“Especially when your annoying” Sonny smiled before he kissed you. You felt all the tension in your body just melt away. “Better?” You nodded and kissed him again.

“Is he still out there?”

“I don’t think he’s gonna leave without seeing you... any of them” Sonny said “Doll... I know I said you’d tell me when your ready but... is something wrong? You’ve been acting strange for a while”

“I’m always strange”

“Stranger then usual then” Sonny smiled “I just wanna make sure you're safe”

“Come sit” you took his hand and sat down on one of the beds. It was time, it was finally time to come clean. You couldn’t handle this on your own anymore “So you know I moved from New York to LA when I was 19 and I joined the academy but what you don’t know is I moved with my boyfriend Tate... we met in school started dating when we were 16. Mami and Rafael hated him... I left them... I left my Abuelita to follow him. He was the one that wanted to move. He didn’t want me to become a cop but I knew I had to. I don’t know what Rafael told you about our dad... if he told you anything...”

“Not a lot just that he wasn’t a great guy” Sonny softly spoke. Your dad was a sore spot for you and Rafael so I didn’t surprise you that Rafael didn’t speak about him. 

“Not a great guy is putting it lightly” you chuckled bitterly “I idolised Rafi growing up, the age gap is bigger than most but it didn’t matter, Rafi never made me feel like the stupid little sister. I wanted to be just like him when I was little but I quickly realised I wasn’t smart enough to be a lawyer so here I am a cop instead”

“So it was your dad and Rafael that made you want to be a cop?”

“Yep” you nodded “Tate was so against it. Said that girls shouldn’t be cops, that I wouldn’t be strong enough to do it”

“Clearly he didn’t know you” you smiled sadly at him

“He didn’t come to my academy graduation. He was too busy... apparently sitting on the couch at home is really time-consuming”

“I’m not going to like where this is going am I?”

“Probably not... I got partnered with Nick straight out of the academy. He told about his time here and we bonded over how annoying Rafi can be” you giggled “he was unofficial big brother, taught me everything about being a good cop. Tate didn’t like that I was partnered with a man... I don’t know what he thought because he didn’t like women police officers. Tate couldn’t have cared when I made detective, he didn’t care about anything I did. Nick knew... Nick knew early on that the relationship was bad, he tried to tell me and I didn’t listen”

“Y/n-“

“Nick noticed the bruises, he tried to get me out... he tried to scare Tate but it didn’t work. And he was my emergency contact so every time I wound up at the hospital he’d get called”

“How often did you go to hospital?” Sonny asked, his hands played with yours in your lap.

“I lost count... the worst he did was dislocating my shoulder before Murphy got a restraining order put out for me. It took him 2 weeks to violate it... he found me at the grocery store, threw me around... he broke 3 ribs, dislocated my shoulder again, black eye, a bunch of bruises... you know” you shrugged. “I’d convinced Nick and Murphy not to arrest him but they weren’t going to let him get away this time”

“Good. They should have arrested him the moment he laid a hand on you. He doesn’t get to do that” Sonny was getting mad, you could see him trying to stay calm but it was hard.

“I begged them not to, he was my boyfriend. It didn’t matter that my mum, my brother, my abuela didn’t like him. I didn’t care about that because he was my first ever boyfriend my first love... my first everything”

“He didn’t... please tell me he didn’t-“

“No, no he never did anything sexually, it was just physical” Sonny breathed a sigh of relief “he got 2 years with parole in a year with good behaviour, which then got lowered to 10 months”

“2 years? Are you kidding me?”

“You know as well as I do that the justice system is not always fair... when I was healed Murphy told me he got me a transfer here. Nick had always told me how much he loved SVU so I was excited to come home. Murphy promised me that he didn’t tell anyone that he was getting me the job and that no one knew anything about what happened with Tate”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of Doll”

“I know... and I came here and everything was great, everything is great, amazing even until about a month... maybe a month and a half ago”

“What happened a month ago?”

“Tate made parole. I was notified, Nick and Murphy would have been too. I was asked to speak but I declined. They granted him parole and a week later he was gone... I was notified again and then the next thing I know I got it...”

“Got what?” Sonny frowned

“The first note... it was sent to the precinct. I knew straight away it was from Tate but I couldn’t prove it. There was no fingerprints, no DNA, no stamp not even any footage of anyone dropping it off”

“You said first... how many have you gotten?”

“I don’t know a dozen?”

“And they’ve all come to the station? Just notes?”

“Well... actually I’ve gotten some at home and some photos...”

“Y/n! Are you kidding me?! He knows where you live?! And you didn’t tell anyone?! He could have seriously hurt you! What were you thinking?!” Sonny’s outburst made you jump slightly. He stood up from the bed and started pacing.

“I didn’t want to believe it! I thought I could handle by myself its not like he’s a criminal mastermind, everyone is so busy... I didn’t want everyone fussing!” 

“Clearly you can’t handle this” Sonny fired at you. You stared at the floor, not knowing what to say. You knew deep down he was right, you just didn’t want to believe it “You should have come to me” his voice was softer, quieter.

“I know and I’m sorry. This effects you too” Sonny took your hands and made you stand up. He wrapped his arms around you again. 

“Did you at least keep everything?”

“Of course, it’s in the bottom drawer of my desk”

“You know you have to tell them right?” Sonny sighed

“They are gonna be mad”

“I’ll be there to protect you”

“Promise?”

“Promise” he nodded, you held up your pinky

“Pinky swear?” Sonny chuckled and linked his finger around yours

“Pinky swear” he kissed your hand “Come on Doll, let's go talk to everyone, let's find this son of a bitch” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also posted on my tumblr @australiancarisi come say hey  
> also also if you have a request feel free to send it in :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo... it's been a hot minute since I posted anything I've written... I really thought I was gonna write so much during iso but march wasn't good on the brain and since my work started receiving money from the government I've actually been working more than ever because apparently working in hospitality makes you essential. I really have missed writing so I'm gonna try harder to get stuff out. This one is a bit short but I hope you like it

Rafael watched Sonny follow after you. Taking a deep breath, he rubbed his face and leant back against a desk. He locked eyes with Liv. She was not happy. 

“Don’t look at me like that Liv” Rafael groaned 

“How can I not? How could you not tell me that your little sister was in my squad?” She scowled before turning to Murphy and Nick, “And you two! You guys should have told me” 

“She didn’t want her relationships with me or Barba to impact how you all saw her” Nick said “She’s a good detective she deserves a fair chance” 

“We know she’s a good detective anyone who spends two minutes with her can tell that” Fin said

“Be careful Fin, your emotions are showing” Kat grinned, trying her best to lighten the mood. Everyone laughed. 

“So how long have they been a thing?” Rafael asked using his head to gesture after Sonny. 

“About six months” Amanda says 

“Officially six months, but he was hooked from day one” Fin smirked 

* * *

You held tightly onto Sonny’s hand as you walked back out into the squad room. The conversation stopped as the two of you get closer. Sonny squeezes your hand in reassurance. 

“y/n..” Nick started, you raised your hand to silence him. You slowly make your way to your desk. You sat in your seat and open the last drawer in your desk. You grabbed out the notes, the only thing in there, and threw them onto the desk. 

“What’s that?” Liv asked leaning forward to grab the papers. 

“That” you took a deep breath “Would be a bunch of anonymous notes I’ve received over the past two months since-” 

“Since Tate was released” Nick finished

“Who’s Tate?” Amanda asked 

“Would you like to fill them in Liv? I’m sure Murphy filled you in on everything” You glared at Murphy before turning in the seat to Rafael. “Or maybe you, considering you apparently know everything”

“y/n” Sonny whispered. You took a deep breath before telling them everything. Moving to LA with Tate, becoming a police officer and being paired with Nick, the fact the Nick knew that Tate was abusing you but you wouldn’t leave him, that Murphy took out a restraining order and that he broke it and that was how he was arrested. You told them about how he only got two years, Fin got mad and Liv had to calm him down although you could tell she wanted to go off too. 

“Good behaviour, out on parole 2 months ago” you finished. While you had been talking Sonny had come and leant against your desk. He took your hand and ran his thumb over it. 

“And that’s when the notes started?” Kat asked 

“Yep, I have some photos that came with some of them at home too, can’t prove that any are actually from him though” you shrugged 

“Let’s run them for DNA, fingerprints anything” Fin said 

“I already have. Checked all the security footage here and my apartment as well. There’s nothing” 

“How has be gotten away with it? He was never a criminal mastermind” Rafael grunted. 

“Maybe he learnt a thing or two dating.a cop” you glared at him 

“Okay, you two that’s enough” Liv looked between the two of you “first things first is we are gonna get a couple of uni’s over to your apartment they can ask around if anyone’s seen him hang around and grab those photos you were talking about. Y/n we’ll set you up with a hotel room and we are getting you a protective detail” 

“Oh hell no. I’m a cop! I don’t need protecting” 

“Said every cop ever” Rafael rolled his eyes 

“Hey don’t you start, you were a pain in the ass when we made you get a protective detail. At least she has a gun” Amanda pointed out, she wasn’t about to let Rafael just come back and walk all over everyone. 

“Come on Liv I don’t need a detail. If I’m not going back to my apartment he won’t know, plus I have Sonny” 

“Thanks Doll, but I’m just an ADA, I don’t even have a gun anymore... take the detail...please” he pleaded. You looked up at Sonny’s blue eyes. He was so worried about you, this had been why you hadn’t told anyone anything. Sonny didn’t need this stress, none of them did. 

“Well I don’t have anything to do really while I’m here” Nick smirked “And it’ll be good to catch up” 

“Fine” you rolled your eyes. “If it gets everyone off my back, but we don’t have to worry, he’ll slip up soon” 

“I’m not taking any chances” Liv said handing the notes to Fin, “Neither are you” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also posted on my tumblr @australiancarisi

**Author's Note:**

> Also posted to tumblr @australiancarisi


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